South Park WWE Style
by kristy4life
Summary: What if South Park had WWE wrestlers instead of the normal cast? It's my first story so please be nice and read and review! Featuring HHH, Steph, Orton, Cena, HBK, Kurt Angle and others!
1. Chapter 1

South Park WWE style!

Cartman- Randy Orton

Stan- Triple H a.k.a. Hunter Hearst Helmsly

Kyle- Shawn Michaels

Kenny- Johnny Cena

Wendy- Stephanie McMahon

Mr. Garrison- Vince McMahon

Mr. Hat- Mr. Money a.k.a. Shane McMahon

Chef- Jerry "The King" Lawyer

I might add more characters later but for now that's it. So no one gets confused Triple H and Stephanie are dating, and Shane is Vince's puppet that he calls Mr. Money.

It was a typical day a South Park Elementary and Mr. McMahon and Mr. Money where teaching their 3rd grade class.

"Randy what is 3 + 3?" Mr. McMahon asked.

"Umm. It's…. NONE OF YOUR BEEZ WAX!" Orton shouted. "Nah na nah nah!"

"Randy!" Shouted Mr. McMahon. "Mr. Money would like you to go to the office!"

"Bad Randy!" Mr. Money said.

"Screw you Mr. Money I'm going home!" Shouted Orton as he left the room.

"Does Orton have to do that every day?" Hunter said to Shawn.

"I guess so dude!" Shawn replied. "So how are you and Steph doing?"

"Umm I don't think I should tell you.." Hunter tried to say as he puked all over his desk.

"Not again Hunter!" Mr. McMahon said. "Are you sure you are ok?"

"I'm fine dude." Replied Hunter. He always puked when he saw or even thought about Steph. He wasn't grossed out by her or anything they where dating and he really liked her. He still got so nervous he would lose it. Especially if she tried to kiss him he threw up every time.

During lunch Hunter decided he should get some help from his friend and school chef "The King".

"Hey King" Said Hunter

"Hello children." King replied

"I need some help" Hunter said sighing "Every time Steph tries to kiss me I puke. What do I do King?"

"Well Hunter let me sing you a song.." King began.

"ofkdjfkd fjkdfkdja kdjfkje.." Johnny said

"What did he say?" King asked Shawn.

"He said oh no king is going to share another sexual experience the other guys won't understand by singing a really stupid song and then something will fall from the sky and kill me." Shawn said looking at John.

A light suddenly fell from the ceiling and landed on John killing him instantly.

"Oh my god! That killed Johnny!" Shawn said.

"You bastard.." Hunter said in an uninterested way. "Ok sing already!" He said impatiently.

"Ok here we go!" King said and then began singing. "Oh when you see a lady.. and want to kiss her. You go over to her and then… I will lay you down darling and we will do it all night long yeah.."

"Damn it King why is Johnny always right!" Hunter exclaimed. "Forget this I will deal with it myself!" Hunter said storming off and dragging Shawn away with him.

Will Hunter finally be able to kiss Steph? Will Orton ever return from the principal's office? Will The King ever think about anything other than sex? Will anyone every clean up Johnny's dead body? You will find out in my next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

South Park WWE Style Chapter 2 Recess has begun and Orton has finally returned for the principal's office. Hunter leaves the others to meet up with Steph while the rest of the boys play football.  
"Hey Steph!" Hunter said. He was pale as a ghost but didn't lose his lunch because he didn't eat any.  
"Are you ok this time Hunter?" Steph asked looking into his eyes.  
"Umm. Hey! I think I am!" Hunter exclaimed finally feeling better.  
"Are you ready to kiss me then?" Steph asked him.  
"Yeah!" He said as he leaned in to kiss her and then fainted and landed flat on his face.  
Hunter woke up in the nurse's office with both Steph and Johnny beside him. Once again Johnny had died and then came back to life with out a scratch. He had always wondered how that happened but he didn't have time to think about that now because he was getting a long lecture about how anorexic people look and feel for the rest of their lives. Afterwards he was taken to the cafeteria and force fed leftovers.  
"Don't worry Hunter I will take care of you!" Steph said patting him on the head as he ate. He sighed wondering if he could ever overcome his fear.  
Meanwhile in the teachers lounge Mr. McMahon was talking to Mr. Money.  
"I'm not gay Mr. Money." Mr. McMahon kept repeating.  
"Yeah you are!" Mr. Money said back.  
"You know what Mr. Money!" McMahon said raising his voice a bit. "I know what's wrong with me! I am a woman trapped in a man's body! All I have to do is get a sex change! Then I won't be gay! I will be normal"  
"Whatever you say." sighed Mr. Money.  
Mr. McMahon ran off to get his sex change leaving the students a surprise substitute for a few weeks.  
-  
Who will be the substitute? Will Mr. McMahon really get a sex change? If so what will he look like? Will Hunter find a new way to try and kiss Steph? How does Johnny keep coming back to life? I might tell you in the next chapter! 


	3. Chapter 3

South Park WWE Style Chapter 3

New characters:

Mr. Slave- Coach or Mr. Coach Mr. Garrison changes to Ms. Garrison- Mr. McMahon changes to Ms McMahon Butters- Kurt Angle

School is finally over and the boys are getting off the bus. As the bus takes off it runs over Johnny who was still walking in front of it.  
"Oh my god! They killed Johnny!" Shawn exclaimed.  
"You bastard!" Hunter said. He then sighed heavily.  
"You know he will be alive again in a few hours right?" Shawn said laughing at Hunter.  
"Duh of coarse I do I'm just upset about Steph"  
"Oh aren't you supposed to meet her today like right now dude!" Shawn said beginning to freak out for him.  
"Nah.. I canceled." Hunter said looking at the floor. "I keep trying to kiss her and I puke every time. I tried not eating but then I fainted out of hunger instead"  
"Hunter is a pussy!" Orton began singing over and over as he ran little circles around Hunter.  
"Shut the hell up Orton!" Hunter said getting angry.  
"How about you just forget about it dude.. Girls are weird and gross anyways!" Shawn said punching his friend playfully on the arm. "Lets go light cow poop on fire"  
"Kick ass!" Orton shouted as they ran toward the cow farm.

Meanwhile they where getting Mr. McMahon ready for surgery. They had taken Mr. Money away and he laid lifelessly on the tray table in Mr. McMahon's room. Mr. McMahon didn't have many family members left so he only had one visitor with him. It was his "special friend" Mr. Coach. Mr. Coach was very strange but he was the one person who understood Mr. McMahon.

"I'm so proud of you McMahon!" Coach said. "I can't believe you are getting a sex change for me"  
"I'm not just doing it for you but you are the most important reason I'm going through with it." McMahon said looking into Coach's eyes.  
"McMahon its time to go now." The doctor said.  
"Okay doc." McMahon said. "I love you Coach!" he said just before he was knocked out and then wheeled into the operating room.

The next day came and all the students sat around waiting for Mr. McMahon. Instead the principal entered and began speaking.

"I'm here to tell you that your teacher Mr. McMahon has went into surgery so"  
"What's wrong with him?" Hunter interrupted.  
"Umm well there are a lot of things wrong with him Hunter so your substitute will be Mr. Coach"  
Mr. Coach came in and waved at the students in a feminine way. "Hi class I'm sure we will have lots of fun together!"

"AHHH!" Orton and Johnny shouted as they ran out of the class room as fast as they could go.  
"What's with them?" Coach asked the class. They all stared at him blankly and unable to say a word. "Oh well on with today's lesson."

After a few miserable hours of reading Teen Beat and debating if Johnny Depp is too old to be considered hot by anyone under the age of 25 they headed outside for recess.

"Where did you guys go?" Shawn asked Johnny and Orton when they finally found them on the playground.  
"We went to the nurse duh!" Orton said "just looking at that guy made me want to puke! Just like Hunter when tries to kiss Steph"  
"Screw you asshole!" Hunter said frowning. "You are just jealous that you will never have a girlfriend"  
"Nah uh! All the girls want a piece of my sexiness but girls are icky and I want no part of it!" Orton said shivering.

While Hunter was distracted by Orton being his typical self Kurt Angle went over to talk to Steph.  
"Hey" Kurt said.  
"Hi" Steph replied. "Do you know why Hunter is avoiding me?" Steph asked.  
"No but he isn't good enough for you Steph!" Kurt took her hands and continued speaking "He isn't half the man I am! Dump his sorry ass!" Kurt began kissing her as she tried fighting him away.

"WHAT THE HELL ANGLE!" Hunter said seeing the kiss from the corner of his eye. "Get away from my girlfriend!" He demanded.  
"She is my girlfriend now! Muhahahahaha!" Kurt responded.  
"No I'm not!" Steph yelled as she slapped the taste out of his mouth. Everyone on the playground turned and watched as Hunter and Steph began beating the crap out of Kurt Angle. Finally Mr. Coach interrupted them and dragged the three of them to the principal's office.

-  
How much trouble will Hunter and Steph get into for beating up Kurt Angle? Will Orton ever stop being an ass? What will McMahon look like after his surgery? Why the hell is Coach McMahon's love interest? Read my next chapters to find out. 


	4. Chapter 4

Warning: I don't own anything except my crazy ideas and come to think of it WWE and South Park own me!

New Character: Mr. Mackey- Teddy Long

South Park WWE Style Chapter 4

Kurt, Hunter and Steph wait for the principal to call their parents and then yell at them uncontrollably. But instead of the principal their guidance councilor Mr. Long comes out of the principals office.

"Let me holla at cha playa's ummkay?" Mr. Long said motioning for them to enter the office. They all entered slowly but relieved it wasn't the principal because the principal was much meaner than Mr. Long could ever be. Stephanie was still shaking a little from the excitement and with out even realizing what he was doing Hunter grabbed her hand. Stephanie and Hunter looked at each other and blushed a deep red.

"Well playa's lets hear the story!" Mr. Long said looking at the bloody and black and blue Kurt first.  
"Well Mr. Long I was just minding my own business.." Kurt began.  
"NO WAY!" Stephanie interrupted. "He tried kissing me and Hunter is my boyfriend so we got him off of me with our self defense.  
"Nuh uh!" Kurt said.  
"Yuh ha!" Steph replied.  
"Mmmkay.." Mr. Long said. "Well Kurt you can't go around kissing other little boy's girlfriend's, and Hunter and Stephanie you can't just beat up small boy's with out consulting a teacher first ummkay"  
"Ummkay.. Uhh I mean okay sir." Hunter said still holding Steph's hand.  
"You are free to go playa's" Mr. Long said opening the door for them. The three left quietly and returned to recess.

"McMahon! McMahon! How do you feel?" The doctor asked poking him over and over.  
Vince finally woke up and replied.. "Man! I feel like a woman"  
"Oh boy!" Said Coach. "Uhh I mean oh girl"  
"Hey Coach!" McMahon said. "From now on I want you to call me Linda, and we need to go SHOPPING! I need lots of pretty dresses for when I return to South Park Elementary"  
"Ok honey!" Coach said as they left the hospital.

"Hey Hunter!" Stephanie shouted as she ran over to him. It was after school and everyone was just leaving for the buses. "Are you ready to go hang out with me yet?" Steph asked hoping he would say yes.  
"Umm.. Yeah I think I am." Hunter said trying not to be sick again. They walked to their favorite romantic hang out which was a lake frozen and covered with snow. Hunter was finally comfortable holding her hand so they held hands the whole way.

Orton, Shawn and Johnny hid behind a bush at the very same lake and watched curiously.  
"I'm going to take a picture of Hunter puking on Steph again!" Orton whispered excitedly.  
"I think he will kiss her this time!" Shawn whispered back trying to have confidence in his best friend.  
"Yeah right!" Orton and Johnny replied.

"Are you ready to kiss me now Hunter?" Steph asked once again hoping he would say yes.  
"Yeah!" Hunter said as he wrapped his arms around her. He took a deep breath and finally kissed her. Stephanie's eyes got really big as she yelled "YIPPEE!" Hunter began doing a victory dance and Steph joined in with him.

"What the hell!" Orton said.  
"Oh my god he kissed Steph!" Johnny said clearly for once.  
"YOU BASTARD!" Orton replied.  
"Haha asshole! You owe me ten bucks!" Shawn said to Orton as he did a small victory dance of his own.  
"Screw you Shawn I'm going home!" Orton said running away from the others. Shawn chased after him to try and claim his fairly earned ten bucks. Johnny didn't move and continued to watch Steph and Hunter. A few minutes later he was watching them make out in the snow. "Wow! So this is what porn is like!" Johnny said to himself just before a grizzly bear snuck up behind him and ate his head in one bite.

-  
Will Hunter get a home run by the end of the night? Will Shawn ever get his ten bucks from Orton? What kind of pretty dresses will Vince.. Opps I mean "Linda" buy? I might tell you in chapter 5! 


	5. Chapter 5

South Park WWE Style Chapter 5

New Characters:

Random students in Ms. McMahon's class: Lita and Trish

Orton, Hunter, Shawn and Johnny stood outside waiting for the bus the next morning. Hunter was sharing with the others what had happened the day before.

"Dude there is nothing like kissing a girl!" Hunter exclaimed. "It looks really gross but wow it kicks ass!"

"More like kissing ass!" Orton teased.

"Shut up Orton! I'm serious here!" Hunter replied.

"Seriously on crack!" Orton countered.

"I don't believe I'm going to say this but Orton is right!" Shawn said as his skin turned a pale shade of white. "I figured you would do it but I didn't think you would like it! Don't get me wrong I'm glad you went through with it. Thanks to you I'm ten dollars richer and Orton is ten dollars poorer!"

"Screw off Shawn!" Orton whined because he was still bitter about losing his bet. The bus drove over and interrupted the conversation. They entered dreading another day with Mr. Coach as their substitute teacher.

Little did they know Mr. McMahon was coming back that day but he would appear just a little bit different.

"&&$$#&!" Johnny said as he eyed his new teacher Ms. McMahon. She was wearing a hot pink dress with white polka dots.

"AHHHH!" Orton screamed like a little girl. "My eyes! It burns!" He shouted as he ran out of the class.

"He can be over dramatic sometimes but I can't believe he is once again correct!" Shawn said in shock. Shawn waited for Hunter's reply for a minute and then he realized he wouldn't get it because Hunter was staring and waving at Steph who was talking to her friends about Ms. McMahon on the other side of the room. "EARTH TO HUNTER!" Shawn said shaking his best friend.

"Umm what?" Hunter said finally looking away from Stephanie.

"There is something wrong with you dude!" Shawn yelled storming away and sitting in a seat next to Johnny.

"Ok everyone in your seats." Ms. McMahon said to the class. Hunter realized Shawn was mad even though he didn't understand why so he sat next to Steph and her friends Lita, and Trish. "Today is a special day!" McMahon said. "I am now a woman! If anyone has any questions I am willing to answer them now." Many student's hands went up even Orton raised his hand after being dragged back to class by the principal. "Ok umm Randy! What's your question?" He asked. Many students began giggling knowing how much of a class clown Orton was and how stupid or rude his question was going to be.

"Umm well I just have to know something." Randy began. "Why in hell did you want to be a girl?" He shook feeling very gross just looking at McMahon in the world's ugliest dress.

"Well Randal it's a very adult thing but to put it simply I was made wrong. I was supposed to be a woman but I was born a man." McMahon explained.

"Dude you're on crack!" Orton said closing his eyes and pretending he was elsewhere.

"Randal!" McMahon exclaimed and then taking a deep breath he continued "Any other questions?" No hands remained because Orton had stolen the question everyone wanted to ask. "Ok then lets go on to our next lesson then. Sex ed!"

----------------------

What will happen during sex ed? Read the next chapter to find out!


	6. Chapter 6

South Park WWE Style Chapter 6

"Yes class you heard me correctly today will be your first ever sex education class!" Ms. McMahon said smiling at the class. The class looked back at her in horror. "It won't be so bad I promise." She said trying to reassure them. "Mr. Long will be taking the boys and I will take the girls."

Mr. Long opened the door and motioned the boys to follow him. They all got up slowly and marched out as though about to be put through painful punishment. Hunter frowned and waved good-bye to Steph. She waved back wishing she could go with him.

The boys entered Mr. Long's office and where told to sit anywhere. There were many couches around which everyone fought over. Hunter tried to sit next to Shawn who pushed him away. So he had no choice but to sit next to Kurt Angle who had just kissed his girlfriend the day before.

"Umm-kay playas!" Mr. Long began. "Does anyone know what sex is?" He looked around seeing only one hand in the air. "Umm-kay Kurt?"

"Sex is when you put your fun parts in a chick!" Kurt said giggling. Hunter wanted to punch Kurt so badly but he knew this time the principal would do the punishing and wouldn't give him a warning like Mr. Long did.

"Well that's correct playa but lets just call it "making love" umm-kay?" Mr. Long said to the boys. They all nodded slowly.

Meanwhile in Ms. McMahon's class she was asking the class what they thought sex was as well.

"Yes Candace-Michelle?" Ms. McMahon said.

"Sex is when a boy ruins your life right?" Candace said nodding.

"No that happens after sex." Ms. McMahon said. "Anyone else?"

Stephanie knew what sex was but she didn't feel like saying it in front of the class. Her friends had their hands raised even though most of them had no clue.

"Ok Lita do you know?" Ms. McMahon asked.

"Sex is something you keep away from your husband to punish him right!" Lita said feeling very confident she was right because she heard her parents talking about it all the time.

"Well many people do that but it's not its main purpose. Does anyone know what the point of sex is?"

"To make a baby." Stephanie finally shouted out.

"We raise our hand here Steph but you are very correct that is very good!" Ms. McMahon said winking at her. "A man and a women have sex so they can make a baby." Ms. McMahon started explaining. Stephanie sighed to herself and started daydreaming. Her parents had already given her the same talk when she told them she was dating Hunter. She didn't understand why everyone was so worried about it she wasn't even old enough to get pregnant yet. She started thinking about Hunter again and then she fell asleep on her desk.

"Steph. Steph! Wake up it is time for lunch!" Trish said shaking her.

"Oh. Wow! What did I miss?" Steph asked looking at her friends Lita and Trish.

"Nothing really." Trish replied.

"Yeah she just said it's totally normal to start bleeding from your crotch!" Lita added.

"Oh and to always use protection!" Trish countered.

"Its like rubber armor!" Lita replied. "So bad ass!"

"Whatever you say!" Steph said smiling at them.

"Steph!" Hunter exclaimed running over to her. He gave her a quick hug and then began to talk. "Oh my god I'm so glad that is over!" He whined. "I had to sit next to Kurt freakin' Angle and he started talking about "fun parts" and then he had the nerve to ask if I had "knocked up Steph" and I'm what in the hell is that? I should have kicked his ass."

"Aww that's sweet baby but you don't have to do that." Steph said smiling at him. "We already got that done yesterday!"

"True" Hunter replied as he put his arm around her.

"Lets get out of here!" Lita said to Trish as they ran away from the couple.

"What's with them?" Hunter asked Steph.

"No clue!" Steph said taking his hand and heading to the lunchroom.

------------------------------------

Will Steph and Hunter ever figure out why their friends are mad at them? Will Kurt Angle get himself in more trouble with the dominant couple? I might tell you in the next chapter.


End file.
